if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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