There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
