My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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