dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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