Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
