I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
