someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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