I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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