I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
