Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize