then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
