Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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