i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
