Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
