Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
