I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
