I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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