I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
