I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
