On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Someone signed my nipple.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
