Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i believe in u and ur pee
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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