Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
