I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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