Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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