I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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