It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This baby is an asshole
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
