you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
