I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
