i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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