highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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