3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
