i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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