just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
