So drunk its hurt
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
