I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
