She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
