he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
