quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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