Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
