he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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