he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All the doctor said was why
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
