my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
