BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
