Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
