the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
