I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
