I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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