yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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