I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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