I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize