If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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