Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
