We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The air taste purple.
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