turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
