So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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