I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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