wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
