please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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