I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?