I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
false alarm. still invincible.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.