Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
