so that wasnt chicken after all
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
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I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.