a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
