i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize