So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
