I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
