The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
